10/4/2011 5:39 PM
Written By Evan Marc Katz
Notice that I said “the perception of self-worth” and not “self-worth” itself.
That’s because I’m guessing that, if you and I were to sit down and list your good qualities, we’d be conversing for a really long time.
You’d tell me you’re a very loyal friend.
You’d tell me you have a good sense of humor.
You’d tell me you’re generous to your loved ones.
You’d tell me that you’re kind and ethical.
I have no doubt that, in listing these good qualities, you’d be telling the truth – from deep in your heart.
You LIKE yourself.
You think you’re a good, well-meaning woman.
You feel that you deserve true love.
Then why the hell do you put up with so much crap from men?
If you’ve been single for years, wondering why you never seem to attract men who treat you well, you’re not alone.
My Inner Circle is the best place for you to rediscover your self-worth and get aligned to making better choices with men. Just you and me and 11 other likeminded women, talking three times a month to get you on the right track.
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And keep reading to see why you put up with way more from a bad man than you do from a bad job…
Imagine you are unemployed.
Imagine you’ve been unemployed for a looooong time.
Finally, imagine you have a ton of money in the bank, so you don’t “need” to work, but you really WANT to work.
You enjoy work. It gives you meaning and purpose and pleasure.
Now imagine that you’re interviewing for a job.
The man interviewing you says, after a two-hour casual interview over dinner…
“Wow, you seem incredibly qualified. I’m going to start you on the job RIGHT this second and you’re going to get a BIG salary and a CORNER office and – what the hell – if you’re lucky, you may even receive a TENURED position with amazing BENEFITS.”
You sign on the dotted line right away.
This job sounds like everything you’ve ever wanted in a position.
Then you start working.
You discover, rather quickly, that your job isn’t quite what it seemed.
First of all, you don’t know what you’re doing. I mean, you’re qualified to work, but there’s no human resources department, no training manual, no job description… there’s literally NOBODY telling you what this job entails.
So you get into your corner office in the morning and sit.
And sit. And sit.
And although you’re getting a fat paycheck, after a few weeks of sitting by the phone, waiting for something to happen, you’re not having fun.
You’re actually quite anxious and losing sleep about your job.
Second of all, you learn that your boss isn’t a really effective manager. Sure, he was extremely enthusiastic about you when you were hired, but ever since that first interview, he’s been really distant.
Not only does he not tell you what you’re doing on a day-to-day basis, but sometimes he just doesn’t come into the office at all.
It’s like he doesn’t even need you.
When he does come in, his enthusiasm for you has clearly dampened. You know it’s not anything you did – after all, you’ve barely done anything since you started working – but it’s still strange that he seems so short-tempered with you.
Finally, when you inquire about what to do and when you’re going to get your benefits, your boss completely withdraws from the office.
He doesn’t want to talk about your health insurance or your tenure.
He just wants to know that you’re showing up at work every week.
He even sends a couple texts to make sure you’re there, but that’s all.
You continue to show up, get a paycheck, and wait for this job – which started with so much potential – to turn around.
Sure, you have a corner office and a great title and a seemingly competent and charismatic boss…but the reality is this: your job SUCKS.
And even though it was promising and had potential, you don’t NEED this job.
You need a job where the reality lives up to the potential.
I don’t think I need to drive home the parallel any further.
Presuming you didn’t need the job to stay alive…but just wanted work to challenge you, inspire you, and give you meaning…
You wouldn’t stay at a job where you didn’t know where you stand.
You wouldn’t stay at a job where you don’t like the way you’re treated.
You wouldn’t stay at a job where you weren’t getting your needs met.
And if you wouldn’t stay at a job like that, why would you stay with a man like that?
Worse, why would you try to LOCK IN a man like that?
I swear. It’s heartbreaking, but I get emails that sound a lot like this:
“My boyfriend is really distant. He never calls me. He never sleeps with me. We’re fighting a lot. But I love him. How can I make him want to marry me?”
You observe him for whatever he is: selfish, narcissistic, unhappy, busy, insensitive, or emotionally unavailable.
You realize you’re not happy with the status quo.
You realize you can’t change him.
And you break up with him, cold-turkey, and never look back.
A smart, strong, successful woman who believes in her own self-worth should never compromise that self-worth to be with a man.
You can put up with men who flirt, who fart, and who watch football (I should know: I do all of these things, too.)
You just can’t put up with men who don’t value you.
If you do, you clearly don’t value yourself as much as you think you do.
Are you tired of putting up with subpar treatment from men? Do you even doubt that there ARE men who treat women well?
If so, you really need to get the “bad man” out of your system.
Warmest wishes and much love,
Evan Marc Katz