10/18/2011 6:24 PM
Written by Evan Marc Katz
Have you ever been attracted to someone who is no good for you?
Have you ever slept with a guy and immediately known it was going nowhere?
Have you ever wasted years longing for a man who never saw a future with you?
If so, you’re not alone.
Like pretty much everyone else in the world, were seduced by the irrational feeling of attraction - and you’ve paid the price for it in a thousand ways.
Today, I want to try to make sense of attraction and give it a proper context for you.
Perhaps when you understand attraction, you’ll be able to make different decisions based on it.
First of all, a confession: “Attraction is not a choice” is a phrase that has been borrowed or co-opted dozens of times, but to the best of my knowledge, credit goes to a friend of mine who gives dating advice to MEN: David DeAngelo.
Now the kind of men who come to David D are, prototypically, nice guys who don’t have much confidence or experience with women. They’re dying to know why women aren’t that into them.
YOU know the answer to that...
You’re not attracted to him because he’s got no edge, no opinions, no confidence, no sexual energy, no balls, and no clue what he’s missing.
You’re attracted to a man who is a leader. A man who can make decisions. A man who can tease you and take a joke himself. A man who has ideas and ambitions and passions. A man who is not afraid of making the first move and being sexually aggressive. A man who isn’t all that worried about what people think. A man who believes in himself, because if he believes in himself, you’ll believe in him, too.
This attractive man probably isn’t doing anything intentionally to “attract” you, but that’s part of what’s so attractive about him. He doesn’t NEED you. He marches to the beat of his own drummer, and he’s confident that the right woman will be in step with him.
Your attraction to this man is not a choice. It’s a feeling. It’s a first impression. And it’s the magic X-Factor that determines if you’re interested enough to sleep with him.
He could be the nicest guy in the world, but if you don’t feel attraction for him, nothing’s getting off the ground. Right?
Well, the exact same thing applies to men’s attraction to women.
And once you get past the visual aspect (which matters a ton), what determines whether a man is attracted enough to STAY with you is largely the same.
You know how tease him and you can take a joke.
You have ideas and ambitions and passions.
You’re sexually expressive and openminded.
You believe in yourself and inspire his belief in you.
You don’t worry about what every single man thinks.
You’re confident that the right man will step up and win you over.
Notice one thing that’s different, however:
You don’t have to be a “doer”.
Since men can make decisions and since men make the first move, being “receptive” to his leadership is a more effective strategy.
But everything else surrounding your ATTITUDE is spot-on.
In short, your confidence in yourself is what inspires male attraction to you.
Without it, men will walk all over you and flee – just like you can walk all over and flee relationships with the “nice guy”.
One other note on attraction:
It’s not always a good thing.
Look at your past. I’m not saying something you don’t already know.
There are THOUSANDS of men you can be attracted to.
Frankly, I can go to a party and be attracted to a dozen women, due to their combination of looks, intelligence, and confidence.
But I have the experience to realize that attraction doesn’t mean there's a good fit or a healthy relationship.
For me, certain dominant, narcissistic personalities are always attractive (where I may think: “I want to sleep with you”), but I also find they're rarely nurturing enough (where I think: “I can put up with you every day for 40 years”).
So as I leave you with a little more free advice this week, take this one to the bank.
There will always be men you’re attracted to; you don’t have to act on it.
Learning the discipline to walk away from men who are all attraction and no EFFORT is the key to creating a successful long-term relationship.
If you want to learn how to put this philosophy into practice, I’m here to help.
Click here to learn more about affordable and personal dating coaching options that will give you the confidence to attract the man of your dreams!
Warmest wishes and much love.
Evan Marc Katz
1 comment(s) so far...
By lourdes on
11/16/2011 6:42 PM
Ambition is a driving force. Ambition is your mental capacity to utilize your knowledge, environment, relationships, and personality to achieve happiness.