6/11/2012 11:23 AM
Written by Lindsay Mannering for The Stir
Earlier and he just wants sex. Much later and he may fear commitment.
According to researchers at M.I.T. (fancy!) men are the first to say "I love you" in a relationship 61% of the time, but are happier when the woman beats them to the punch.
The research also suggests that a man considers saying those three little words a full 6 weeks earlier than the woman does.
Hmm. Can how soon a many says he loves you determine if he just wants to get in your pants?
The study also finds that men starting thinking about saying "I love you" 97 days, or about three and a half months, into a relationship. That time frame seems about right to me. It takes a while to get to know someone and fall in love, and after 90 days you probably have a good idea about your feelings. So if a guy tells a girl earlier than that 97 day mark, what are his intentions? Sex, of course.
I'm wondering if he says "I love you" early on if it has anything to do with luring our unsuspecting souls into bed. Maybe guys say those three little words first just to move things along, if you know what I'm saying.
I would be very wary of a guy who told me he loved before 90 days of dating. I'd be all, "you don't know me, fool!" and would certainly be skeptical of his motives. If he told me after 2 weeks of dating, I'd ask for his mother's number and give her a call to ask what she think went wrong when he was growing up. Was he not hugged enough? Not too many friends? Does he have a deep need to be liked?
On the other hand, if a boy I were seeing took a year to utter those three words, I'd be just as uncomfortable. I'd be all, "you know me, fool! Spit it out!" Then of course I would naturally assume he has a fear of commitment and would be just as nervous with him as I would an early-I-love-you-sayer.
I'm glad to hear that the study found that 97 days seems to be the norm for the "I love yous" to start coming out. That feels right to me, and it's what I've experience in my two long-term relationships. Any sooner and he just wants to bang me, any later and just wants to bang someone else.
How soon is too soon to hear "I love you," and how late is too late? Sound off in the comments!